Somewhere New

Beyond my computer screen, I see car lights roaring past on the illuminated highway just outside my writing room window. How lovely it is to have a window right where I get to game and write. A steaming cup of peppermint tea warms the corner of my desk while my ears are winding down to some relaxing instrumentals as I write before you.

As I write this for your reading pleasure, I am proud to say that I have officially moved into my house (and mostly settled in and unpacked). It's quite a disorienting feeling moving away from a home that I have built for six years and suddenly change to somewhere new. That feeling I haven't quite gotten used to. I don't quite feel at home here yet, but I know in time that feeling will come. As of this current day, I have already been here for just over a week. This week I have been feeling a plethora of emotions. Some good, some bad, some just passing me in a blur that I have found myself to be so busy that I haven't been able to stop my spinning head of emotions.

I will admit, buying a house at the ripe age of 24 is quite the task, especially doing it all alone. I am telling you the truth when I say since this process has been going on for three months continuously, I have never been so exhausted and burnt out in my life. From the millions of emails, phone calls, or appointments, it has been a never ending struggle to figure out how to buy a house all alone and figure out how to move myself. Pro tip to anyone looking to buy their first house: get help. Seriously, ask anyone. Aside from the professionals, ask your parents, friend, sibling, coworker, anyone. The amount of times I have talked to someone for advice on what to do (mainly my mom--thanks mom <3) I would be way more overwhelmed and exhausted than I already am. In an ideal world, it will be a million times easier to buy a house with someone and split the responsibilities instead of carrying the burden all alone. But in my case, I had no choice but to do it all alone. And boy did I learn a lot!

The day that I handed over my apartment keys was quite an emotional day for me. It was a bad day in general, but handing over the keys at nine in the morning is the catalyst that really started my day in a rough way. After spending the entire weekend getting my apartment all empty and all shined up for the next tenant, I handed my landlord my keys and asked if she needed anything else from me. She said no and said I can be off and on my way. Leaving the building knowing it was going to be the very last time I step into that building, I only then realized how much of my emotions in relations to the move I have been suppressing. All three months of emotions all bubbled up all at once. Walking away to my vehicle, I felt tears rush to my eyes. I knew my mother was awake, so at 9:15am I called her in tears and the first and only thing I could mutter out when she picked up was, "Mom, I'm feeling a lot of big emotions right now". In the moment I didn't even know how to start to vocalize how I was feeling. All I knew is that I was feeling very overwhelmed and I was crying quite a bit.

Being the kind and loving mother she is, she reassured me while simultaneously giving me clarity as to why I am feeling these big emotions. Firstly, the obvious: I have been so busy and so overworked that I haven't really had time to think or process the move. I would be too busy planning and setting up appointments and prepping myself for the big day. Secondly, she mentioned something that truly struck a cord with me. She said that I have made that apartment my home for the last 6 years of my life. It is been my first and only apartment I have had all alone. I have built an infinite amount of memories there and it has become all I have known. I have memories with my past long term relationship, with my family dog Chewy, and I have had so many people I love and care about (friends or family) come through those doors to see me. The past relationship one and the one about my family dog hit me the most. Everywhere in that apartment had memories of them. Memories of where their things were, memories of what they did or where they sat. But now going into this new place, there is no trace of either of them. It's like that chapter of my life has officially closed. For good. Don't get me wrong, for both of them, I have found in my heart I have moved on, but in my physical space it just felt a bit different. It might not ever make sense to the average person who reads this, but it makes sense to me. I have gone to a new place and a new building that does not have memories of them. It is a new space for me to create my own memories. Close out that chapter and start a new one.

The more I get settled in and unpack and organize my space, the more it is feeling like home. I'm sure once I get my Christmas tree up and really get in those cozy vibes, then I'll be feeling much better. Because let's be honest with each other, Christmas vibes always make a house feel more homey.

This is just a little goofy list for me, but let me share with you the notable differences that I have noticed from being at my apartment to my condo for the last week:

1. Some god damn peace and quiet. This to me has been the most obvious. For those who didn't know, my apartment was on the bottom floor. Which meant I was constantly surrounded by families. Meaning I was always hearing children scream and run in the halls and I always heard my neighbors above me make an abnormal amount of noise at any given time of day. It also did not help that my balcony was on a main road right at a bus stop, and right beside an elementary school. So at all times of the day I was hearing the children, my neighbors, the bus dropping people off, kids during school hours, you name it. Now? I have a quiet highway far from my balcony and all of my neighbors have been quiet. Most I hear is my upstairs neighbor has a little dog and sometimes it yaps for a little bit. But aside from that, I can finally hear my own thoughts again.

2. Underground Parking: Yes you read that right. I have the joy of parking underground. As we're currently in fall, it is already getting colder. Meaning that when it's mid-winter and cold enough to freeze a car battery completely, both my car and I will be in the warmth inside and I already know I will never want to park above ground ever again after this winter. May I also add that in the winter I won't have to scrape off my car of frost, shovel it off of snow, or panic about plugging my car in on those cold nights. Sounds like pure bliss to me.

3. Overall Change of Pace: For only being here for a week, my life has simply felt different. I've had to change what gas station will be my regular to go to, same thing for my grocery store. I'm in a new neighborhood. Still very close by to my old place, but it is a change of pace. While I am somewhere new, I need to change where I drive and where I go. But it feels like a good change of pace. A change that I didn't know I needed. And it will be a change that I will embrace more and more as the days go by.

I definitely have been getting used to my new surroundings this past week. But this is all like some weird weight that has been lifted off of my chest. I own this place. This is my house. These are my walls. And I can do whatever I please with on the inside. And that is a new found freedom I will have the joys of exploring as time progresses.

This new home has been a long and overwhelming journey. But I'm at the end. I'm at the cusp of being at the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a couple more things to find places for and today I ordered myself a dining table set, but soon I will have it all done.

I am so stupidly proud of myself. For this. For everything. Saying I bought a house at 24 alone and making these big moves for myself is massive. I'm sure not everyone can say that they bought a house all alone at my age. It is something absolutely to be proud of.

I'm at this new stage in my life where I have found who I am and have been loving everything that has been coming from it. Younger Sarah would be so proud of the woman I have grown to be just in the year of 2025 alone. Only if she could see what I have done and what I have planned for my future. Her jaw would be on the floor. Now current Sarah is continuing to welcome all new love and positive energy into my life. I've been surrounding myself already with it so far this year, why stop here?

Write soon,

S.Cowan